Domestic Violence

What is Domestic Violence and its Effects on the Community?

What is Domestic Violence?

It is a pattern of physical, sexual, psychological, and/or economic assaultive and coercive behaviors used against intimate partners. It does not need to be physical abuse.

The Effects of Domestic Violence on the Community

• Hospitals - an estimated 1/3 of women seeking care in emergency rooms are victims of domestic abuse
• Community Infrastructure - drain on the police, fire, and social services departments.
• Employers - lost revenue, lower productivity, increased cost of health insurance
• Schools - violence seen at home is often perpetuated at school

What Works?

Prevention education and support systems such as counseling, crisis shelters, transitional living and employment programs. Although women are at increased risk of injury when trying to leave, they are safer only if they have a safety plan or are able to leave the abuser.

Are you in an Abusive Relationship?

If your partner has done even one of these things to you, it is advised that you seek guidance immediately. Understanding the impact of these incidents is crucial in protecting yourself and your children.

Emotional Abuse

• Ridiculed or insulted your religion, race, heritage, class or women as a group
• Withheld approval, appreciation or affection as punishment
• Continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you, or demeaned you by telling you you are unable to manage without male help
• Insulted or drove away your family and friends
• Refused to socialize with you
• Threatened to hurt your family, or threatened to kidnap the children
• Controlled all the money, kept you from working, or prevented you from making decisions
• Manipulated you with lies/contradictions or controlled you with his jealousy/possessiveness
• Intercepted your mail or telephone calls, or took away car keys or money
• Punished/deprived the children when he was angry at you, or abused pets to hurt you
• Regularly threatened to leave or told you to leave
• Blamed you for the violence

Physical Abuse

• Pushed, shoved, slapped, bit, kicked, choked, punched or tripped you
• Held you to keep you from leaving or tied you down
• Thrown objects at you
• Locked you out of the house
• Abandoned you in dangerous places
• Refused you help when you were sick, injured or pregnant
• Subjected you to reckless driving
• Threatened or hurt you with a weapon
• Twisted or pulled your arm
• Banged your head against the wall

Sexual Abuse

• Told anti-women jokes, made demeaning remarks about women, or treated women as sex objects
• Become jealously angry, assuming you would have sex with any available man
• Insisted you dress in a more sexual way than you wanted, or forced you to strip
• Criticized you sexually
• Insisted on unwanted and uncomfortable touching, or forced particular unwanted sexual acts
• Called you sexual names like "whore" or "frigid"
• Publicly showed sexual interest in, or had affairs with, other women
• Forced sex with him or others, or forced you to watch others
• Forced sex after beatings, or when you were sick, or it was a danger to your health
• Forced sex for the purpose of hurting you with objects

Click Here for more information or call the crisis line at (818) 887-6589

If Someone You Know is Being Abused

If you have witnessed, heard or merely suspected a friend, relative or neighbor is being abused you can help by doing the following:

• Ask direct questions, gently.
• Give her/ him ample time to talk.
• Don’t rush into providing solutions.
• Listen without judging. Victims of abuse often believe their abusers’ negative messages. Often they feel responsible, ashamed, and inadequate and are afraid they will be judged.
• Let her/him know it is likely, in spite of the abuser’s promises, the violence will continue and probably will escalate.
• Let her/him know you support and care about him/her, he/she is not responsible for the violence, and only the abuser can stop the violence.
• Emphasize when he/she is ready, he/she can make a choice to leave the relationship and help is available.
• Provide her/him with information about local resources such as phone numbers of the domestic violence shelter, hotlines, support groups, counseling, and legal advocates.
• Contact the local hotline or shelter yourself for guidance, support and/or advice.
• She/he may need financial assistance, and help finding a place to live, or storing belongings or important documents. He/She may need assistance to escape. Make the decision if you feel comfortable helping out in these ways.
• Explain that physical violence in a relationship is never acceptable at any time. There is no excuse for the violence - not alcohol or drugs, financial pressures, depression, nor jealousy.
• Make sure she/he knows that they are not alone. Millions of women from every ethnic, racial, and socioeconomic group suffer from abuse and many women find it difficult to leave. Males can be victims of domestic violence too and also benefit from support.
• Also explain that domestic violence is a crime, just like robbery or rape. Let he/him know she/he can seek protection from the police and the justice system.
• If she/he has children, reinforce their concerns for them by letting her/him know that domestic violence is also damaging to children. In fact, you may also want to reach out to the children, and let them know you are there for them.
• If she/he is planning to leave, remind them to take important papers with them such as birth certificates, health insurance documents, etc.
• If she/he chooses to remain in the relationship, continue being supportive while at the same time firmly communicating to her/him that they and the children do not deserve to live in this violent situation.
• If you see or hear an assault in progress, call the police immediately because these assaults are often dangerous, but do not physically intervene.

Encourage the victim to call our 24/7 Crisis Line at (818) 887-6589. It is completely confidential.

                   

Developing a Safety Plan - Before You Leave

To help ensure your safety and the safety of your children, it is critical that you develop a comprehensive plan prior to leaving an abusive situation. The following are steps to consider.

• Make arrangements that, in the event of an emergency, you and your children can stay with someone you trust that your partner doesn't know.
• Ask your neighbors to call 911 if they hear suspicious noises coming from your home.
• Know important telephone numbers (police, friends, hotline, shelter)
• If you sense a violent episode is imminent, and it is safe to do so, disable or hide weapons.
• Teach your children to call 911.
• Practice getting yourself and your children out of your home safely. Pre-identify which doors, windows, elevator or stairwell would work best. Make a plan for what to do if you and your children become separated.
• Put together an Escape Kit and place it somewhere safe but accessible, NOT in your home.
• Advise your employer/coworkers never to speak with your abuser without first checking with you and never to give information about you to anyone. Arrange to have someone screen your calls.
• Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends, neighbors, your children's school officials, your employer, etc. when you need the police.
• Open a savings account in your name only at a bank different from where you family's other account(s) are.
• Do not leave behind notes, doodles with shelter/bus/airline information

Call the Haven Hills crisis line for more information (818) 887-6589. 

Developing a Safety Plan - After You Leave

It is also crucial that you have a plan to increase your safety and your children's safety after you have left the abusive situation. Here are some important steps to consider.

• Get a restraining order against your abuser.
• Inform family, friends, neighbors that you have a restraining order in effect
• Keep a copy of your restraining order with you at all times. Keep another copy somewhere in your home and put one in your car. Give a copy to the local police where you live and where you work. Give a copy to your employer and to officials at your children's school, day care facility or with their baby-sitter. If possible, attach a photo of your abuser to the copies you place at work and at your children's day care.
• Inform the people who take care of your children who has permission to pick up your children.
• Avoid stores, banks, restaurants, theaters, etc. you used to frequent when you were with your partner.
• If your abuser violates the restraining order, call the police.
• Have a back up plan in the event the police do not respond quickly.
• Change your locks and secure your residence.
• If you have thoughts of returning to a potentially abusive situation, attend support groups or call someone for support.
• Contact Haven Hills, call the crisis line (818) 887-6589, or contact your local shelter/domestic violence program for information on precautions against being traced/stalked.

Creating an Escape Kit

If you are planning to leave, it is important that you put together as many of the following items as possible in an Escape Kit, and put it somewhere safe but accessible-NOT in your home.

Daily Necessities

• Money: cash and coins, enough for transportation, food and lodging for a few days. Your abuser will be able to trace you through a credit card and may close/empty bank accounts before you can get to them or may be waiting for you at the bank.
• Credit cards, bank books, check books, safety deposit box key
• Medications and prescriptions
• Address books/calendars/appointment books
• Keys: house, car, office, garage, cabin, boat, motorcycle, etc.
• Children's favorite toys, blankets
• Extra clothing for you and your children for all types of weather
• Infant formula, diapers, etc.
• Food
• Important telephone numbers-police, friends, hotline, shelter
• Important addresses and directions (to local police department, to hospital emergency room)
• Telephone calling cards

Important Paperwork (originals or photocopies)

• Identification for you and your children (vital) - especially birth certificates, passports, green cards/alien registration/work permits/Visas, driver's licenses and car registration, social security cards, school ID cards
• Insurance papers (Car,Health)
• Welfare papers (GR, MediCal, SSI, Food Stamps, CalWORKS GAIN, AFDC, social security)
• Legal papers-marriage license, adoption papers or Court Order pertaining to custody of children, divorce decrees, police complaints, restraining order, income tax returns, school records, professional licenses, diplomas, etc.
• Medical records: especially immunization records for children, dental records, clinic cards
• Lease/rental agreement or house deed mortgage payment book
• Current unpaid bills/copies of monthly bills
• Receipts: personal property (furniture, cameras, etc), pawn tickets, laundry and dry cleaning claims
• Pay stubs
• Animal vaccination records and veterinarian's contact information
• Membership cards (trade unions, shopping cooperatives, library, discount, etc)

Valuables/Items of Sentimental Value

• Jewelry
• Pictures/family albums and other items of sentimental value
• Small sellable items (TVs, cameras, radios, art, etc.)

Domestic Violence Facts

Every year, 1,510,455 women and 834,732 men are victims of physical violence by an intimate.




Prevalence of Domestic Violence in the United States

• On average more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States.
• Nearly one in four women in the United States reports experiencing violence by a current or former spouse or boyfriend at some point in her life.

Violence and Teens

• 1 in 4 adolescents reports verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse each year.

Violence and Children

• 15.5 million children in the United States live in families in which partner violence occurred at least once in the past year, and seven million children live in families in which severe partner violence occurred.
• In a single day in 2008, 16,458 children were living in a domestic violence shelter or transitional housing facility. Another 6,430 children sought services at a non-residential program.

Emerging Issues

• Technology has become a quick and easy way for stalkers to monitor and harass their victims. More than one in four stalking victims reports that some form of cyberstalking was used against them, such as email (83 percent of all cyberstalking victims) or instant messaging (35 percent). Electronic monitoring of some kind is used to stalk one in 13 victims.

Help is available to stop the cycle of domestic violence. If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, please click here.



If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or being abused:


1. Call 911
2. Contact the Haven Hills Crisis Line 24 hours a day/7 days a week at: (818) 887-6589. For non-urgent help and for more information email by clicking here. If you live outside of the San Fernando Valley area of California, call (800) 799-SAFE (7233) for a domestic violence program near you.
3. Obtain medical attention for any injuries.
4. Develop a Safety Plan and Escape Kit.