Grief

Grief is the normal and natural reaction to any significant loss.  Most of the comments and what we hear are not normal or even helpful in times when our hearts are aching.  Most of us recognize Grief when there is a death of a loved one or a not so loved one or a divorce, but we seldom see it as part of the normal reaction to the death or loss of a pet, major health changes, Financial changes, major moves, loss of a job, bankruptcy, retirementand many other losses. 

What hare some of the common things we hear when we have lost a loved one?  "They are in a better place," "They had a good long life,"  " They are not suffering anymore," "They would want you to be strong for...."  Divorce brings equally unhelpful comments:  "They weren't the right one for you anyway," " They were not meant for you,"  "You can do better than that..."  And when we lose a pet, who is every bit a member of the family we hear that :We should go get another one."  What are some of the comments you heard?

From these almost universal comments 6 myths have been identified about how we should react:  1.  Time Heals, 2. grieve Alone, 3.  Don't be Sad, 4.  Keep Busy, 5. Be Strong, and 6. Replace the loss.

We have also learned that people use certain quick short term energy releasing behaviors (STERBS) that sometimes becomes problems on their own:  Crying all the time, Eating - over eating and not eating, smoking, retail therapy, anger just to name a few. 

I would encourage you to do some writing about what you have used to cope and the comments you heard.  Sometimes people might not say anything at all because they don't know what to say.

Comments and Feedback are welcomed.